Feeling confused and researching camels

It’s been slow going this week. Getting started has been a challenge for me with lots of distractions and an unclear vision in my mind of what’s next. I wrote 500 words to kick off chapter four and begin my protagonists’ journey through the chapter but I’ve faltered there. This chapter is an introspective chapter for my protagonist, for me to capture this I need to have clear symbolism and connecting elements travelling through the undercurrent of my writing to bring it all together. What the chapter ‘needs’ though I really can’t determine until I get into the writing; I have to get writing. The clear vision that carried me through chapter three though isn’t available to me for this chapter; chapter three was more directly based on a folklore tale whereas with chapter four I’m using very little of that approach.

Chapter four only gives a nod to the folklore tale leaving me to navigate the narrative and integrate my own writing in as I go. Along with this I’ve also written over 5000 words in previous writing bouts towards this section, so I’m reading and sifting and cataloguing in my mind what to do, where to put parts and how to proceed.

Sections that I have written for this chapter previously could be used in chapter seven which in some respects is the inverse of chapter four and the protagonists’ journey through it. Thinking about this takes my mind away from chapter four scattering my attention across the novel, its chapters, where I am at, where I’m heading, then again, I circle back in my mind to thinking – get writing! This all leaves me experiencing a state of confusion which my natural response to is avoidance, but I’m onto this fact and side-stepping avoidance as best I can because I have proved to myself so far that I respond well to time to think in a deliberate way about how to next proceed. With this in mind when I feel the fuzzy edges of confusion creeping in, I make a list of tasks – my current list is:

  1. Read previously written work for chapter four and seven
  2. Add new writing to pre-written work in chapter four
  3. Research deserts
  4. Research Camels
  5. Write without stopping for at least one hour today
  6. Write without stopping for at least one hour tomorrow

Having a clear vision of where I’m going is essential to me, without it a sense of hopelessness overwhelms and I’m lost to indecisiveness.

I’m reminding myself that I have already had periods where I don’t write, I regroup and then there’s an outpouring of words when my vision is clear. Processing time is important, I need to take the time to think it all through and then the words catch up on the page when I dive back into the flow.

Through chapter four my protagonist is finding their way into the unknown, and again as with previous chapters, the irony of me being in the same headspace isn’t lost on me.

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